BACK LOG: What Irritates Mr. Erzblock This Week (12/29 - 1/4)

THANK GOD my lady friend didn't get me a Snuggie for Christmas. I mean really, a blanket WITH SLEEVES??? The last I checked a blanket with sleeves is called a BACKLESS ROBE! The tv ad suggests you even wear one at an outdoor sporting event. You might as well wear a Liberace tuxedo while you're at it or a full mink coat (ala Joe Namath). CAVEAT EMPTOR: Though the people at Snuggie advertise a buy-one-get-one-free deal when you buy one Snuggie for $19.95, you'll have to pay an additional $7.95 for shipping and handling; that's on top of the initial $7.95 you pay to ship the first one! Oh, I forgot, you get a free book light. That makes all the difference.

Chad Pennington's Hair (Episode 1)

Since I don't have much hair myself, I take great delight in those who are still in possession of their lustrous locks, never missing an opportunity at casting jibes their way. Since the Miami Dolphins are playing for their post-season lives today, I turn my attention to their quarterback, Chad Pennington.

* Chad's hair needs to be tamed. The waviness at the side is distracting, not to mention the front, which doesn't know if it wants to be parted or methodically tousled with product. I mean, c'mon Pennington! Do guys still use gel?

A graduate of Marshall and the former QB of the Jets, I've long considered Pennington's locks to resemble a run-of-the-mill Hair Club for Men patient. You be the judge!

* A Hair Club patient before . . .

* . . . and after!

Who Is More Likely . . . ? (12/28 - 1/4)

Those of you who have seen the film Ghost are no strangers to Tony Goldwyn's ruthless character (Carl Bruner), a supposed friend of Patrick Swayze's character (Sam Wheat) who has him killed off for the almighty dollar only to pursue his bereft girlfriend (Molly Jensen) played by Demi Moore.


Though I hope that just as many of you are also familiar with Patrick Swayze's kid brother, Don, something tells me that I'd be wrong.


With that said, here's my morbid question: After Patrick Swayze succumbs to pancreatic cancer and becomes a ghost, who will be more likely to drop in on his wife, Lisa Niemi, during her time of grief, offering the new widow a sturdy shoulder on which to cry while all the while thinking about the possibility of sex with her in Patrick Swayze's former bed?

* Will it be actor Tony Goldwyn, the man who moved in on Swayze's on-screen love interest in Ghost, or . . .

* Don Swayze, the younger brother of Patrick Swayze whose face makes him look like he's constantly sucking on a lemon?

A VERY YOUNG, VERY HOT . . . (12/29 - 1/4)

* One last time: the title for this piece comes from a professor I had as an undergrad. One time, this professor, a man I came to admire, prefaced the viewing of a film by saying to the class, "This adaptation of Tennesse Williams' Cat on a Hot Tin Roof stars a VERY YOUNG, VERY HOT Paul Newman." Similarly, he also said, "This production of Desire Under the Elms stars a VERY YOUNG, VERY HOT Anthony Perkins." It is to this professor, a man who shall rename nameless, to whom I dedicate this feature on my blog.

Congrats to those of you who guessed the last "Very Young, Very Hot" actor as none other than Mr. Leslie Nielsen, best know for his role as Lt. Frank Drebin on tv's Police Squad and in The Naked Gun films.

For this week, I've selected an actor whose autobiography was released not too long ago. He was a star of television and film for several decades. Though the passage of years have resulted in him doing lowly tv commercials about reverse mortgages for older folks, back in the day he was relevant, not to mention VERY YOUNG and VERY HOT.

You Guess It (12/29 - 1/4)

As a teacher, I often use multiple-choice questions on quizzes or tests. Hey, they're a lot better than the lame True of False questions that ANY moron with ANY amount of luck could get right. With that stated, here's a new feature I'm adding to ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO POST. Please post your comment to me with your answer. Enjoy.

* What words did President-Elect Obama speak to Vice President-Elect Biden in the picture below?

A. "Don't listen to Senator Dodd. Your hair looks wonderful!"

B. "Joe, stop staring at Barney Frank. He may take it the wrong way."

C. "If you call me B.O. one more time, I'll cut you loose like a 20-dollar whore."

D. None of the above.

* The answer will be posted NEXT WEEK.

NEWS FLASH: Abe Vigoda Is NOT Dead!

At the age of 87, Abe Vigoda is still alive as I type these words. Best known for his role as Salvatore Tessio in The Godfather and The Godfather II, Vigoda also had a memorable role in Look Who's Talking as John Travolta's grandfather. His death was erroneously reported by People magazine in '82, and since then his mortality has become ubiquitous fodder; there are even websites devoted to this topic. Check out http://www.abevigodacom/ for daily updates on A.V.

If you'd like to cheer on Abe Vigoda in his quest to continue living, I suggest you buy a t-shirt from http://kurtsshirts.com/ They offer a fun tee with a picture of the actor when he played the loveable Detective Sergeant Phil Fish on tv's Barney Miller. Here's to Mr. Vigoda living in '09!

This Week's Separated At Birth (12/29 - 1/4)

* Billy Crystal looks a helluva lot like famed Hispanic actor Hector Elizondo. The winner of an Emmy in '97 for his role as Dr Phillip Watters in Chicago Hope, Elizondo can now be seen in a tv show that no one watches: Monk.