Who Is More Likely . . . ? (12/28 - 1/4)

Those of you who have seen the film Ghost are no strangers to Tony Goldwyn's ruthless character (Carl Bruner), a supposed friend of Patrick Swayze's character (Sam Wheat) who has him killed off for the almighty dollar only to pursue his bereft girlfriend (Molly Jensen) played by Demi Moore.


Though I hope that just as many of you are also familiar with Patrick Swayze's kid brother, Don, something tells me that I'd be wrong.


With that said, here's my morbid question: After Patrick Swayze succumbs to pancreatic cancer and becomes a ghost, who will be more likely to drop in on his wife, Lisa Niemi, during her time of grief, offering the new widow a sturdy shoulder on which to cry while all the while thinking about the possibility of sex with her in Patrick Swayze's former bed?

* Will it be actor Tony Goldwyn, the man who moved in on Swayze's on-screen love interest in Ghost, or . . .

* Don Swayze, the younger brother of Patrick Swayze whose face makes him look like he's constantly sucking on a lemon?

A VERY YOUNG, VERY HOT . . . (12/29 - 1/4)

* One last time: the title for this piece comes from a professor I had as an undergrad. One time, this professor, a man I came to admire, prefaced the viewing of a film by saying to the class, "This adaptation of Tennesse Williams' Cat on a Hot Tin Roof stars a VERY YOUNG, VERY HOT Paul Newman." Similarly, he also said, "This production of Desire Under the Elms stars a VERY YOUNG, VERY HOT Anthony Perkins." It is to this professor, a man who shall rename nameless, to whom I dedicate this feature on my blog.

Congrats to those of you who guessed the last "Very Young, Very Hot" actor as none other than Mr. Leslie Nielsen, best know for his role as Lt. Frank Drebin on tv's Police Squad and in The Naked Gun films.

For this week, I've selected an actor whose autobiography was released not too long ago. He was a star of television and film for several decades. Though the passage of years have resulted in him doing lowly tv commercials about reverse mortgages for older folks, back in the day he was relevant, not to mention VERY YOUNG and VERY HOT.

You Guess It (12/29 - 1/4)

As a teacher, I often use multiple-choice questions on quizzes or tests. Hey, they're a lot better than the lame True of False questions that ANY moron with ANY amount of luck could get right. With that stated, here's a new feature I'm adding to ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO POST. Please post your comment to me with your answer. Enjoy.

* What words did President-Elect Obama speak to Vice President-Elect Biden in the picture below?

A. "Don't listen to Senator Dodd. Your hair looks wonderful!"

B. "Joe, stop staring at Barney Frank. He may take it the wrong way."

C. "If you call me B.O. one more time, I'll cut you loose like a 20-dollar whore."

D. None of the above.

* The answer will be posted NEXT WEEK.

NEWS FLASH: Abe Vigoda Is NOT Dead!

At the age of 87, Abe Vigoda is still alive as I type these words. Best known for his role as Salvatore Tessio in The Godfather and The Godfather II, Vigoda also had a memorable role in Look Who's Talking as John Travolta's grandfather. His death was erroneously reported by People magazine in '82, and since then his mortality has become ubiquitous fodder; there are even websites devoted to this topic. Check out http://www.abevigodacom/ for daily updates on A.V.

If you'd like to cheer on Abe Vigoda in his quest to continue living, I suggest you buy a t-shirt from http://kurtsshirts.com/ They offer a fun tee with a picture of the actor when he played the loveable Detective Sergeant Phil Fish on tv's Barney Miller. Here's to Mr. Vigoda living in '09!

This Week's Separated At Birth (12/29 - 1/4)

* Billy Crystal looks a helluva lot like famed Hispanic actor Hector Elizondo. The winner of an Emmy in '97 for his role as Dr Phillip Watters in Chicago Hope, Elizondo can now be seen in a tv show that no one watches: Monk.

Jesse's Cryin'?

Forget about Jamie's Cryin'--the popular song by Aerosmith--what about Rev. (?) Jesse Jackson yesterday when Barack Obama became America's first African-American President? Mr. Rainbow Coalition himself turned on the waterworks to become the EIGHTH DWARF: Weepy. Isn't this the same guy who during a break from taping a segment on The O'Reilly Factor muttered that he wanted Obama's cajones?

Sour grapes if you ask from me. Now that Obama's bringin' some black to the White House, it looks like somebody doesn't want to be left behind with Rev. Al Sharpton, playing the role of the second banana to an African-American community who has no need for him as a mouthpiece.

Hey Barack, you've done what Jackson could never do. You've also cut your ties to questionable people like Reverend Jeremiah "God Damn America!" Wright, but accepting Rev. (?) Jackson's olive branch would be unwise. Don't forget that he referred to Jews as Hymies and to NYC as Hymie Town during his first bid for the presidency, if you could call it that.

This Week's Separated At Birth (9/28 - 10/5)

* I hate to admit it, but Mr. Oriole himself, Cal Ripken, is looking more and more like the face of Darth Vader with each passing day. Those of you REAL Star Wars fans know that the humpty-dumpty-looking face of the maskless Vader was that of British actor Sebastian Shaw (God rest his soul!), not David Prowse, the man INSIDE THE SUIT. Hey Cal, if you gain any more wait, you're gonna start looking like John Waters' muse, Divine.