This Week's Separated At Birth (1/26 - 2/1)

Holy Sweet Jesus, let's put The Wizard of Oz on Broadway so that Jerry Stiller can play the Mayor of Munchkinland! I can hear Jerry's gruff voice singing the words first sung by Charlie Becker, the original mini mayor: "As mayor of the Munchkin City, in the county of the land of Oz, I welcome you most regally."

And if Mr. Stiller refuses our casting call, deciding that he'd like to play Oz himself, we'll say, "No, Jerry! Damn it, no! A thousand times, no! You were born to play the MAYOR, Jerry. The role of Oz . . . we're giving it to your son."

BACK LOG: What Irritates Mr. Erzblock This Week (1/26 - 2/1)

Why on Earth did I stay to watch the lackluster ending dance number in Slumdog Millionaire?All I've been hearing about this movie is "You gotta see the ending!" Well, you know what: Bollywood, Schmollywood, it was crap! All I learned is that two of the film's actors, Dev Patel (Jamal) and Freida Pinto (Latika), couldn't dance their way out of a basket even if a snake charmer beckoned them with his flute. Don't get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed the film, but the dance featured piss-poor choreography in addition to taking me out of the contemplative, somber mood I had been brought into.

Verbal Misunderstanding, Man's Reason To Live

This past Saturday morning Jerry Amerstam went to his Brooklyn corner deli as always for a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich (on a Kaiser roll), light on the salt, heavy on the pepper, heavy on the ketchup. But a little after 9 a.m. he heard something which, according to the 56-year-old bus dispatcher, gave him "a reason to live."

Mr. Amerstam recalled, "I was just standing there, waiting for my sandwich, when a guy in a chef's outfit comes in, and I hear him ask Billy [William Santoro, the deli's owner], 'You got any meunster cheese, chief ?'"

What caused the recently divorced man to break into riotous laughter, however, wasn't the chef's question; it was what both he and Santoro thought they had heard from the anxious chef. "I give Jerry his sandwich," stated Santoro, "then I ask this chef guy how much meunster cheese he needs. Well, he says, 'No, I need mustard seeds!' At this point, Jerry breaks out into the loudest laugh I've ever heard, slapping his knee and all."

* Jerry Amerstam (center) no longer plans on checking out of this world anytime soon thanks to what he thought heard at his local deli.

Amerstam, whose wife filed for divorce this past September, has felt depressed about his marriage's demise. The Williamsburg resident even admitted to thinking about jumping onto the Broooklyn Queens Expressway this past Christmas Eve. All of that, though, seems to have changed ever since the incident between the chef and the deli owner. "I'm telling ya, somebody's gotta make this into a movie, or at least a book," suggested Amerstam. "Stuff like this doesn't happen everyday."

* William "Billy" Santoro, owner of "The Corner Place," is confident that Amerstam, a devoted cutomer, will be back for his breakfast sandwich for years to come.

BACK LOG: What Irritates Mr. Erzblock This Week (1/12 - 1/19)

I am IRATE that actor Adrian Zmed is on VH1's Confessions of a Teen Idol mostly because of some of the other actors on the show who DO NOT DESERVE to flush the toilet that Mr. Zmed defecates into. Actors like David Chokachi (Who?) of Baywatch are so bush league in comparison to the star of T.J. Hooker and Grease 2!

A VERY YOUNG, VERY HOT . . . (1/19 - 1/25)

Don't hate me all you Roman Catholics, but last week's "Very Young, Very Hot" article featured the now-deceased Pope John Paul II. The picture of PJP2 was of him when he was known as Karol Wojtyla, a young, hot man who would one day go on to become the FIRST POLISH POPE.

For this week, I'll be less irreverent, going back to Hollywood for an image of youth and hotness. Yes, as evidenced by the above picture, it's a pic of another guy, but that's what makes this weekly piece different. After all, the famous femmes are always credited for being "Very Young" and "Very Hot," but unless you're Clooney or Pitt, we guys seldom get our recognition. So, who is the young, hot under-shirted male celeb this week? Hint: he once starred with Patrick Swayze in a VERY DIRTY film at a time when he was neither VERY YOUNG nor VERY HOT.

This Week's Separated At Birth (1/19 - 1/25)

Thanks to the fine folks at dlisted for this pic of Amy Casa de Vino on vaycay in St. Lucia, a shot actually taken by a photog from England's Sun. Am I the only one asking, "And I was oddly attracted to her dirtiness, complete with heroin tracks, overly mascared raccoon eyes, and three-day worn panties?"

If that's true, I must also have the hots for Tim Curry as Dr. Frankenfurter, the star of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Yuk! Can you say, The Crying Game? Sweet Jesus, gimme some turpentine to clean my tainted flesh!

P.S. Thank you MK for covering Amy's molehills with pictures of her hubby, Blake.

Did You Know? (Part I)

I hate to admit that I've gone most of my life thinking that the guy who played Blacula in two blaxploitation films--Blacula (1972) and its sequel Scream Blacula Scream (1973)--was most likely some down-on-his-luck brother who took on the role of the black bloodsucker for an embarrassing paltry paycheck. Though I've often scoffed at the Blacula character, I was dead wrong to mock the man behind the widow's peak! Did you know . . .

1.) William Marshall, the man who played Blacula, grew up the son of a dentist, attending New York University before training at the Actors Studio.

2.) He was Hollywood Horror Legend Boris Karloff's understudy in the 1950 Broadway production of Peter Pan for the role of Captain Hook.

3.) He also starred in a vast number of Shakespearean productions in the U.S. and abroad, playing the title role of Othello numerous times.

4.) On tv, he made his way into episodes of The Alfred Hitchcock Hour, Bonanza, Rawhide, Ben Casey, The Man from U.N.C.L.E., Star Trek, The Wild Wild West, Mannix, The Jeffersons, and Benson.

5.) On the silver screen, he acted in Demetrius and the Gladiators (with Victor Mature), The Boston Strangler, and Maverick.

5.) He assumed the role of the King of Cartoons on tv's Pee-wee's Playhouse, delivering that indelible line: "Let . . . the cartoon . . . begin!"

6.) He taught acting at the University of California, Irvine.

7.) He succumbed to Alzheimer's and diabetes on June 11, 2003, and some of the eulogies spoken at Marshall's funeral were delivered by heavy hitting actors such as Sidney Poitier, Paul Winfield, Ivan Dixon and Marla Gibbs.