BACK LOG: What Irritates Mr. Erzblock This Week (11/19 - 11/25)

I am IRATE over what all of America will be exposed to this coming week as part of the Thanksgiving holiday. HINT: It'll involve President G.W.B. What I'm referring to is none other than the lame-ass presidential pardon of a turkey! What on earth is the point of this juvenile photo-op when, according to PETA, most of these pardoned peckers usually die within a year. Oh well, just another story polluting our airwaves and presses. Something tells me this bird won't be lovingly named Scooter Libby!

This Week's Separated at Birth (11/26 - 12/2)

* Years ago, my buddies and I came up with the name for an affliction that strikes many men as they get up there in years. In brief, men like Phil Rizzuto, in their twilight years, appear more and more like women, a syndrome known as O.L.S. (Old Lady Syndrome). Sadly, its cruel symptoms can strike many unsuspecting geriatrics, such as the Scooter, causing them to appear more and more like old maids and school marms. As for the recently-deceased Rizzuto, Father Time genetically engineered the Hall of Famer's DNA so that he'd look like tv Golden Girl Sophia Petrillo, played by actress Estelle Getty. Jeez! Even Rizzuto's scarf matches the fabric pattern of Sophia's dress.

BACK LOG: What Irritates Mr. Erzblock (11/12 - 11/18)

I am SICK and TIRED of seeing everyone and their mother wearing these UGG boots. Hey ladies, there ain't no reason to be wearing these sheepskin hoofers when you aren't braving arctic teperatures. Everywhere I look now I see UGG boots, slippers, shoes and HANDBAGS? Last Christmas, I purchased my ladyfriend a pair of Isotoner boots for $18.99. I knew she wanted the UGG label, but I wasn't about to cave in. My lady ain't going to be like these mall-strutting yuppy housewives, sipping a soy milk latte, wearing a Bluetooth earpiece, and pushing a double decker baby carriage. Oh no, the Isotoners, though she'd prefer not to admit it, take care of my lady's tootsies just fine!

This Week's Separated at Birth (11/12 - 11/18)

*Legendary jazz musician Miles Davis, made gaunt by a heroin addiction, looked similar to that legendary movie icon Predator. Thankfully, Davis didn't share a similar mouth; it would've made playing the trupet a helluva lot harder!

Scandalous Senator's Santa Beard No Longer Cuts It

Besmirched Senator Larry Craig (R-Idaho), who was once a member of the House Ethics Committee, was told on Friday that his services will no longer be needed by the Boise Rotary Club. For the past 18 years, the Republian senator has set aside the first weekend in December, dressing in full Santa gear and handing out gifts to in-need children from the greater Boise area. This year, however, the Rotarians have decided to go for a more "authentic" looking Santa Claus, claiming that Craig's arrest for allegedly soliciting sex in a restroom had nothing to do with their decision.
* Craig's mugshot for engaging in lewd conduct in June, which the senator would've gladly traded for a money shot.


According to James Frienerth, a member of the Boise Chapter, "Senator Craig has worked hard as the dickens for us for many years, but his beard isn't convincing." Freinerth went on to state that his fellow members, despite having reservations about Craig's beard for several years, haven't had the heart to let Craig go, allowing the saintly senator to continue donating his time for them and the local children, but "This year we had to part company with him. Too many realistic Santas popping up at malls with their full grown, real beards has set a higher bar for us. The fake beard may cut it at an Elks Lodge, but not with the Rotary. We may reconsider if he [Craig] grew a real beard."
* Senator Craig sits before a small group of children at last year's annual "Storytime with Santa" at the Boise Rotary Club.


Though it's often been stated that Rotarians are to be taken for their word, one cannot help but notice the timeliness of this chapter's decision, mere months after Craig was arrested for lewd conduct, pleading to a lesser charge of disorderly conduct. One thing's for sure: The Boise Rotary will treat the children to a more authentic-looking Santa inside their chapter's four walls; meanwhile, outdoors they will not have to contend with any Larry Craig detractors.
* Protesters who will not be picketing outside the Boise Rotary Club this December.

BACK LOG: What Irritates Mr. Erzblock (10/29 - 11/4)

I'm irritated by the hoity-toity title of Wes Anderson's latest reel of celluloid schlock: The Darjeeling Limited. C'mon Mr. Anderson, aren't you an American? Where do you get off using words like "Darjeeling" in your film's title? Something tells me that this film has BOMB written all over it. Maybe Owen Wilson's suicide attempt is connected to the utter stank that has been emitting from artsy-fartsy liberal movie houses whenever this trainwreck flickers onto the screen. This Wilson guy, perhaps, wanted to abandon ship before D-Day. Seriously, The Darjeeling Limited sounds like a set of diamonique jewelry pieces that my lady friend would order on QVC at 2:15 a.m., not the title for a film.

This Week's Separated at Birth (11/5 - 11/11)

A buddy of mine, when he and I were sipping a cup of Sanka the other day at the luncheonette, saw a picture of that kid who stars in HBO's Entourage. Anyway, he pointed to the pic in the newspaper and remarked about how much the kid looks like Greg Brady. Well, I must admit that Entourage's Grenier bares a likeness to Mr. Barry Williams. Thanks for the find, John!