A TV Judge Weilds a Gay Gavel!

I remember a more simpler time when the only television judge on my 18" Magnavox was one Joseph A. Wapner and his trusty bailiff Rusty, a cloudy coiffed burly man who stood beside the sage magistrate, crossing his arms like a cigar store indian and walking to and fro the judge's bench to bring his obedient master paperwork from the show's various plaintiffs and defendants. Ahhhhhh, Rusty, as his name would indicate, was like an older, well-trained purebred canine, and I loved every minute of watching the rapport these men shared. Sadly, the Lone Ranger and Tonto of courtroom television have long since been supplanted by a horde of inferior judges and bailiffs.

* Judge Joseph Wapner was America's first television judge on The People's Court, which also starred Rusty the Bailiff and host Doug Llewelyn.

For starters, I do derive joy from watching Judge Judy's abrassiveness toward the dregs of American society, but I don't particularly care for her personal asides about her husband (failed tv judge Jerry Scheindlin), children and grandchildren. However, overall, she's a dame I'd quickly toss my lady friend out of bed for. I bet she's got a nice pair of thin gams and bony knees behind that wooden bench of hers!

All the other judges who have made it onto and/or off the airwaves have represented almost every race, color, creed and religion. Like Judge Judy Scheindlin, there have been other Jewish judges: Jerry Scheindlin, Judy's hubby; former NYC mayor Ed Koch; and rumor has it that the obnoxious, inappropriate, blubbering Judge Larry Seidlin of the "Battle of Anna Nicole Smith's Baby Daddy Case" is on the prowl for a tv gig. Of course, television can't forget the rednecks, so they gave Judge Larry Joe Doherty a show with "Texas Justice." And there have also been judges that represent the African-American demographic (Joe Brown, Glenda Hatchett, Ephriam Mablean and Greg Mathis) and Hispanic faction (Maria Lopez, Marilyn Milian and Christina Perez). I'm sure an Asian or Muslim judge is waiting in the wings.

* Judge Larry Seidlin blubbers on the bench in hopes that a tv casting agent will take to his obnoxious courtroom manner. As of now, there have been no takers.

One judge, however, who is no longer waiting for the chance to "represent" is Judge David Young, an out and about showtune-singin' gay judge with a touch of Southern twang in his voice. The former clerk at F. Lee Bailey's law firm who went on to become a Miami judge is the latest addition to the television courtroom arena. What makes Young's show even better is his bailiff Tawya Young (no relation), a sassy, eye rollin' black woman with hair that's inappropriately done up for a courtroom officer.

* Judge David Young and his bailiff Tawya Young first aired on September 10, 2007. Though they are far from being the duo that was Wapner and Rusty, this duet will surely entertain with a lot of singin' and finger snappin'.

For more information about Judge David Young and his partner in crime, be sure to visit http://www.judgedavidyoung.com/ for the 411 on this addition to America's daytime airwaves.

BACK LOG: What Irritates Mr. Erzblock This Week (11/26 - 12/2)

What is going on with guys like Monday Night Football's Tony Kornheiser who think they're fooling everyone with their mediocre combovers (Yes, a combover can be done right!)? Guys like Kornheiser, especially when they're seen by millions of television viewers weekly, should efface the pathetic wisps of hair that are sadly combed from east to west or west to east in a futile attempt at follicular foolery. Have these men no WOMEN in their lives to lead them down the straight and narrow, helping them embrace their skulls?

This Week's Separated at Birth (12/3 - 12/9)

* Yes, ages and ethnicities have collided on this one, but can't you see how actor Vincent "King of Horror" Price could be the grandpa of Prince? Aside from their pencil-thin moustaches, both performers' stares shout "Come hither!" Forget about Price lending his voice to Michael Jackson's Thriller. I would've loved to have seen him lay down some vocal tracks for Prince's Sexy Motherfucker.