George Lucas's Jabba Jowles

George Lucas, the 64-year-old, multi-billion dollar movie mogul, whose latest Indiana Jones film is debuting this weekend, is a fat cat without question. Though the owner of Lucasfilm Limited--and former owner of American Zoetrope (with Fraqncis Ford Copolla)--is sitting on a nest egg of approximately 3.6 billion dollars, the money he has amassed has not gone to his head . . . it's gone to his jowles.
* George Lucas's bulbous neck gives off the appearance that a goiter is nesting somewhere beneath his flesh, but it's probably a result of an extremely comfortable lifestyle.

According to WebMD, "goiters can occur when the thyroid gland produces either too much thyroid hormone (hyperthyroidism) or not enough (hypothyroidism). Much more rarely, the problem may arise when the pituitary gland stimulates thyroid growth to boost production of the hormone."

* An unfortunate human being with an enormously large goiter.

In the case of Lucas, however, his growth comes and goes.
* "Senor Star Wars," sans turkey neck, looks like a well-coiffed Hollywood matinee idol.

* But just when you think it's on full retreat, back comes Lucas's Jabba Jowles. Gobble! Gobble!

Although some top physicians have dismissed the writer/director/producer's affliction as non-goiter, I, a lowly blogger, discovered a type of goiter known as "sporadic" goiter that may be plaguing ol' G.L. According to an old encyclopedia that once belonged to my maternal gread grandfather, this variety of goiter "can form if your diet includes too many goiter-promoting foods, such as soybeans, rutabagas, cabbage, peaches, peanuts and spinach. These foods can suppress the manufacture of thyroid hormone by interfering with your thyroid's ability to process iodide."

So Mr. Lucas, wherever you may be, cut out the aforementioned foods and you should be fine. That's advice from an admirer of yours, free of charge.

Ths Week's Separated At Birth (5/19 - 5/25)

* Wayne Newton, what the HELL has happened to your right eye??? In fact, both of your peepers are looking WAY TOO pulled back. You're starting to look like Hoyt Pollard, the imbred, banjo-playing youth who starred as "Boy at Gas Station" in Deliverance. Wayne, forget about "Dueling Banjos." In this pic you're sporting some "Dueling Eyes."

RETRACTION: I am poking fun at Wayne Newton with the porch boy reference; in all seriousness, porch boy's twin is none other than supercyclist Lance Armstrong.