BACKLOG: What Irritates Mr. Erzbock This Week (7/1 - 7/27)

* Michael Alan WEINER, the controversial conservative media blowhard better known as Michael Savage, has hit a new low. No, this time it's not a gay Muslim democrat that he's bashing; it's AUTISM and the children who live with it each day of their lives! WEENIE MAN has definitely lived up to his surname this time, referring to autism as "the illness du jour." As if that wasn't enough, the BIG WEINER added, "You know what autism is? I'll tell you what autism is in 99.9% of the cases: It's a brat who hasn't been told to cut the act out." In response to the Imuslike uproar WEINER has rightfully received, his response began: "My comments about autism were meant to boldly awaken parents and children to the medical community's attempt to label too many children or adults as 'autistic.'" Thanks, WEINER, for looking out for the welfare of the masses. I'll be sure to spread your message to the .10% of children and their families who, in your professional opinion as a WEINER, truly live with autism. Why don't you come to the school where I teach, walk into an autistic classroom, and see if 99.9% of it is filled with "little brats." You truly are a SAVAGE WEINER!

A VERY YOUNG, VERY HOT . . . (7/28 - 8/2)

* Last week's "Very Young, Very Hot" actor was Mr. Brady himself, Robert Reed. The picture of him was a publicity shot from the tv series The Defenders, which aired in the early 1960s.

As for the celeb who's on the chopping block for this week, we have ANOTHER male actor; don't worry . . . there'll be a female next week! The actor pictured above, looking quite young and hot in a leather jacket and white t-shirt, went on to become a TRUE auteur of Hollywood films, but above all, he's known for the work he did in the WEST. Do ya feel lucky this week?

This Week's Separated At Birth (7/28 - 8/3)

* Forget about Liv Tyler being the Aerosmith frontman's daughter. Getta load of Ms. Melissa Rivers! Is Missy the love child of Steven Tyler and Joan Rivers? If this is not the case, and it's

socially acceptable for Melissa and Steven to get it on, what kind of mouth would their offspring have?

WHO IS MORE LIKELY . . . (7/21 - 7/27)

The answer to last week's question was surprisingly BARACK OBAMA. It is he who would neglect to pay his paperboy. He and his wife Michelle, first of all, are RARELY home in Illinois. As a result, their paperboy usually has to wait quite a while to receive payment, going so far as to sneak attack Mr. Obama for the unpaid bill. Some advice to the Obamas: Put a trusty neighbor in charge of passing your payment onto the young lad newsboy.

As for John McCain, he shouldn't have even been considered for last week's question. John and Cindy cancelled their subscription to the Arizona Republic News several months ago. According to an inside source, the McCains were irate with the laziness of their paperboy (He was actually a fortysomething-year-old man.) for throwing the paper as he drove by in his 1985 Chevrolet Caprice Classic station wagon.

This week's query will be a little easier. Who is more likely to bring two 6-packs of Stella Artois beer to a backyard barbecue and keep it to himself in a compact blue and white Playmate cooler that he hides behind a potted plant, discreetly reaching for a bottle from the folding chair on which he plops himself for the duration of the party?

A.) A 1980's Jan-Michael Vincent when he was on top of the world in tv's Airwolf, or . . .

B.) a 21st century alcoholic, incoherent Jan-Michael who can't remember when to go to the bathroom?

C'mon, you can do it! There are a lot of clues in this week's question.

BACKLOG: What Irritates Mr. Erzblock This Week (7/14 - 7/20)

Soon after the recent passing of former White House Press Secretary Tony Snow became public, I heard someone say, "First Bobby Murcer; now Tony Snow! I wonder who's gonna be next? They always say deaths come in three." To this moron I wanted to shout, "You! That's who's gonna die next. You!" I mean does anyone REALLY believe that deaths, like tennis balls, come in packs of three? Why do they not also come in ones, twos, fours, fives, etc.? After all, doesn't a second death precede a third death and a fourth succeed a third?

A VERY YOUNG, VERY HOT . . . (7/21 - 7/27)

* The "Very Young, Very Hot" femme belle from last week was Shelley Winters, the robust woman who sacrificed her life in The Poseidon Adventure. Younger audiences will remember her as Roseanne's grandmother on tv's Roseanne.

For this week, we have a man who is no longer with us (He passed away in the early '90s.). However, back in the early '60s he was YOUNG and HOT before becoming a FAMOUS television father.

This Week's Separated At Birth (7/21 - 7/27)

* Whoever cast THE GOONIES film and didn't select John Madden to play one of Mama Fratelli's sons should be banned from EVER being a casting agent again. Famous character actress Anne Ramsey, who succumbed to cancer in 1988 at the age of 58, (Yes, she was ONLY 58!!!) looks like Mr. Madden's mama. This, however, leads me to wonder who would play the other Fratelli brother.

Feel free to post a comment with any of your suggestions. Until next week . . .

WHO IS MORE LIKELY . . . (7/14 - 7/20)

A new feature (along with "This Week's Separated At Birth," "A Very Young, Very Hot . . . ," and "What Irritates Mr. Erzblock This Week") has been added to this blog's lineup. Quite simply, I'm calling it, "Who is More Likely . . . ," and I hope you all enjoy it.

For this week's question, I ask, who is more likely to neglect to pay the paperboy for several weeks, if not months, before being put into a position to do so upon meeting up with the paperboy when slowly, carefully exiting their home to circumspectly retrieve the paper only to be snuck up on by the paperboy who has been hiding behind a large front yard shrub?

*Please, do not be swayed by the pictures below.

A VERY YOUNG, VERY HOT . . . (7/14 - 7/20)

* I hope you guessed that last week's "Very Young, Very Hot" celeb was none other than Mr. (Fred) Rogers. Though he's passed on to the Neighborhood of Make Believe in the sky, we still have his shows to keep his memory alive; however, he is neither very young nor very hot in them.
As for this week's star who was youthfully sexy, I'm selecting a female . . . FINALLY; I do so in response to the many e-mails I've received that have labeled me, Reid Erzblock, a card-carrying homosexual. As a burly meat-and-potatoes man, I'm sinking to my detractors' level in defending myself.

The lady above (with the more-than-ample bosom) was a sexy siren in her younger days before she perished on the Poseidon decades later. C'mon, you have to get this one!

This Week's Separated At Birth (7/14 - 7/20)

* Famous badass character actor Michael Ironside (He even has a badass last name!) looks strikingly similar to deceased Russian badass Bolshevik Vladimir Lenin. Their bald heads, facial whiskers, and eyes are a marriage made in HEAVEN! Keep in mind: Mr. Ironside is opening his eyes wide, but in their sedentary state, they appear more like Lenin's.
* Hell, let's throw one more badass into the mix: Jack Nicholson. There's no doubt he could be Michael Ironside's older brother.

McCain Fails to Wear Blackface at NAACP Convention

Presidential nominee John McCain spoke before the NAACP today, but the rumors that he would don blackface makeup went unsubstantiated when the Ohio crowd at the historic organization's 99th anuual convention saw nothing but white skin and liver spots. As is usually the case, a disapproving frown (pictured below) often blanketed the Republican nominee's countenance many times throughout the duration of the speech.

* McCain gives his trademark look of disapproval.

According to a member of Barack Obama's camp, McCain was toying with the idea of wearing blackface to try and "endear" himself to the African-American voters who perceive the 71-year-old as "old" and "curmudgeonly." Jill Lewis, one of the Democratic nominee's public relations assistants, said, "We heard from a reputable source that this was supposed to happen; apparently, we were wrong."

However, while team Obama is stewing over McCain's decision to nix the stunt, Republicans are describing the accusation as pure nonsense. Senator Tom Coburn of Ohio (R) called the claim an "obvious attempt to sully McCain's character." Similarly, fellow Republican senator John Warner (Virginia) characterized the Obama camp's accusation as a mere story: "I don't know what kind of jungle juice the Democrats are drinking, but it has to be something that's helping create some wild fiction."
* Ted Danson wore blackface (ala Al Jolson) at a Friars' Club roast for his then-girlfriend Whoopi Goldberg; the stunt led to the former Cheers star being dubbed a racist.

A VERY YOUNG, VERY HOT . . . (7/7 - 7/12)

* Last week's "Very Young, Very Hot" celeb was Audrey Hepburn's co-star in Breakfast at Tiffany's; he also led the pack as Hannibal on television's A-Team. Still haven't guessed it? Well, he was George Peppard, God rest his soul!
As for this week's clue, he, before passing away, was a daytime television star. Many years before he made it big in a neighborhood that was HIS, this man, as evidenced by the picture above, was young and hot.

This Week's Separated At Birth (7/7 - 7/13)

* If it were possible for a woman to give birth to a puppet, Madame, the ubiquitous presence of '70's and '80's television, would be the inanimate child of Broadway legend Carol Channing. Then again, some sort of a creature would have to copulate with Ms. Channing for such a birth to occur.

Famous Vietnam Vet Curses Reporter For "Stupid" Question

Vietnam vet Ron Kovic, who took his Purple Heart and parlayed his paralysis into a bestselling book and Academy Award-winning film, Born on the Fourth of July, which starred Tom Cruise, expects EVERYONE to know his birthday. So when a reporter, last week, asked the anti-war activist what he would be doing on the 4th, Kovic reportedly replied, "What the hell d'ya think I'll be doing?"

As the South Carolina-based Post and Courier journalist, Fryderyk Wysoki, simply stared at Kovic, who was in Charleston for an anti-war rally, the veteran, according to Wysoki, became increasingly more irate, shouting, "Just what the f-ck d'ya think I'll be doing? Don't you know who the f-ck I am? And you call yourself a f-cking journalist?" before wheeling by the dumbfounded reporter as he muttered numerous parting expletives.

* Reporter Fryderyk Wysoki kneeling before Kovic, moments before the Vietnam vet verbally assaulted the journalist for his lack of knowledge.

What Kovic didn't know, however, is that Wysoki, a Polish reporter who has been with South Carolina's Courier and Times as part of a culture-sharing program with Poland's Gazeta Polska (Polish Gazette), is in the United States to learn about people like Ron Kovic.

On this 4th of July, regardless of his treatment of a foreign reporter, let us not forget Mr. Kovic's beautifully written prose, a true reminder of the sacrifices offered by our nation's brave men and women: "I am the living death, the Memorial Day on wheels. I am your Yankee Doodle Dandy, your John Wayne come home, your Fourth of July firecracker exploding in the grave."

Isn't everyone's entitled to having a bad day every now and then? In fact, perhaps, at this moment, a Polish war veteran is cursing out an American reporter.

This Week's Separated At Birth (6/31 - 7/6)

* Was once-Hollywood hottie Rory Calhoun, the star of television's The Texan (1959 -60), the REAL father of George Clooney? True, Clooney's father, Nick, (below) does appear to have offered his sperm to the concotion that created Hollywood's golden boy, but Calhoun's eyes, as well as his success as an actor, producer and writer, prove him to be a worthy sire.