All the News That's Fit to Post: New Study: Hillary Clinton Wears More Faces Than Anyone

Who would've thought that Hillary Diane Rodham, when she met the world on October 26, 1947, would one day gain unparalleled distinction. True, she graduated from Yale Law School and became the 42nd First Lady of the United States, later gaining her own political greatness as a New York state senator, but all of these accomplishments pale in comparison with her latest accolade: "Hillary Rodham Clinton makes more facial expressions than any human being on record," states Dr. Al Jaworski, a Communications professor of non-verbal behavior at Boston College. "All humans have the same amount of facial muscles, but Clinton seems to use them like no other."

* Hillary with her husband Bill, a ruddy-faced couple with bad skin years before Hill's talent was recognized.

Jaworski, who once specialized in the topic of verbal pauses and their intent, became exhausted with the subject in 2002. "There are only so many 'Uhs' and 'Ums' one can take," recalls the professor. "I took a sabbatical to do some soul searching and found that the face was calling me. When I was in France with my now ex-wife, I discovered that my maternal great grandfather was a doctor whose life passion was the muscles of the human face."

* Al Jaworski's great grandfather, Guillame Duchenne, with a patient. Duchenne attached electrodes from his homemade electrical stimulation device to the faces of his drifter patients to gauge which facial muscles are voluntary and involuntary.

Though Jaworski's great grandpa reportedly used unethical practices, often experimenting on mentally retarded patients from a nearby sanitarium, that hasn't tainted the professor's view of his ancestor: "My great grandfather did what he had to do for the good of neuroscience. I heard claims that he held patients against their will and dumped bodies, but that was never proven. His only crime was not having relatives sign a consent form, but he didn't need that back then. These people were wards of the institution, castaways no one wanted."

As for Jaworski's work, its genesis is not only rooted in his geneology; additionally, the professor's keen eye sight and his admitted infatuation with Hillary Clinton all converged, materializing in a recently-published paper. "I found that I was watching Hillary whenever I got the chance, on the television, the internet, in the newspaper. I thought one day, 'I might as well start coding her facial expressions.' She's so damn expressive, and I love that about her!"

* Professor Jaworski's infatuation with the former First Lady led to a true labor of love.

In Jaworski's paper, which coded the facial expressions of Hillary and 49 randomly selected public figures in interview settings, Clinton's facial movements occurred 20% more often than subjects Queen Latifah, Andre Agassi, John McCain, Steven Spielberg, and even Everybody Loves Raymond's Brad Garrett. The 2008 Democratic candidate had everyone beat, even moving the muscles of her face more frequently than rubber-faced actor Jim Carrey. "My findings will be presented at this year's national Communications conference. The paper will be rather appealing, but I'm in the process of creating a humorous pictorial slide show to accompany it. I'm no fool. Sometimes these conferences can get a little dull," admitted Jaworski.