Rooney's Reason to Live Spoils Celebrity Death Pools

Celebrity death pools such as "You Bet Their Life," "Rotten Dead Pool" and "Celebrity Dead Pool" have been building momentum since the invention of the Internet, pitting morbid citizens against one another in these annual contests that aim to tap dance on the graves of the deceased. Though the rules to these pools vary, most of them require each entrant to pony up a monetary amount (the sums usually range from $25.00 - $100.00 ) and sumbit a list of celebs who the participant feels will expire during the course of the year that's being played. So from 12:00 a.m. on January 1st until 11:59 p.m. on December 31st of each year, rabid death poolers across the country and the world hope and pray for the demise of their respective celebrities, and they're awarded points for each snuffed life. One celebrity, however, has been playing the role of spoiler in these pools for the past several years.

According to Ken Jovel, creator and overseer of the newest celebrity death pool "Celebrity Stiffs," Mickey Rooney has been "screwing these pools for almost six years." Jovel's interest in the game was peaked shortly after he was laid off by General Motors in March of 1997, providing the widowed father of two with the free time necessary for such endeavors. "A lot of people think death pools are a crap shoot; they take the 'pick the oldest ones' approach to playing the game, but they'll never win that way. You gotta do your homework," stated Jovel. "That said, Mr. Rooney's ruined about 65% of my players' pools since the '02 season. He doesn't know when to call it quits!"
* Ken Jovel is upset that Mickey Rooney is still living.

So why do many death watchers continue selecting the diminutive actor for their hit lists? According to Nancy Herndon, choosing Rooney "has become a given. No one wants to be the player who didn't select him in the year that he actually does die," surmised Herndon, an RN at an Oregon hospital. "I've been picking Mickey since 1999, and I'm not stopping now."

While most of the players in the death pools take their hits and misses in stride, one of the gamers on Jovel's "Celebrity Stiffs" site became so enraged at the end of the '06 season that he began hatching a plan to murder Rooney after losing the $9,400 pot because of him. "I obviously don't condone what that guy was plotting. He was just upset about the money. His daughter needed braces and his house was in want of a new roof. He started making some remarks to other players in my pool's chatroom," stated Jovel. The former death pooler mentioned wanting to stab Rooney, so Jovel contacted the authorities. "He wasn't arrested, but he's seeking professional help."
* The Grim Reaper at the scene of a motorcyclists's casualty. He's been unable to claim Mickey Rooney's soul due to the actor's strong constitution.

Undoubtedly, Mickey Rooney is still living because his life has purpose. Dr. Mehmet Oz, a popular ficture on Oprah, recently told the show's viewers that "elderly people who have a reason to rise and shine in the morning live 10-12 years longer than their peers." Rooney not only continues to appear in films like last year's comedy Night at the Museum, but he also busies himself in the traveling stage show "Let's Put on a Show!" with his wife Jan. At this rate, Rooney will live well into the next decade.
* Dr. Oz, with Oprah and a prop brain, is the Carrot Top of celebrity doctors.
* Rooney with Judy Garland, his friend who died 38 years ago, years before the creation of the popularly-played celebrity death pools.
* Experts attribute Rooney's longevity to his having a reason to get up in the morning.
* The little actor kisses the Queen's gloved hand as his wife of 29 years, Jan Chamberlin, looks on. Chances are it isn 't the kiss of death.