BACK LOG: What Irritates Mr. Erzblock This Week (2/11 - 2/17)

I heard of Roy Scheider's death this morning from a tinny sounding bathroom radio as I was showering this morning (Monday) at my lady friend's apartment. As I was just about to soap up my crotch, I heard, "And the actor Roy Scheider has passed away at the age of 75," which caused a long frown to blanket my face as my forearm braced my forehead on the shower stall's tile. Hours later, as I sat in the teachers' lounge at work grading papers that I've been holding onto for several months too long, a coworker of mine walked up to me and exclaimed, "Hey, did you hear that SCHNEIDER died?" Immediately, I thought of Pat Harrington, ONE DAY AT A TIME's loveable handyman Schneider; I asked, "Schneider died? Pat Harrington?" All my coworker could utter was "No, the guy from JAWS," as if I was the crazy one. I didn't even bother to tell him that he didn't say the name correctly, but his faux pas got me thinking about the many idiots who've made this mistake over the years, pronouncing the legendary star's surname as if it were the more common SCHNEIDER. Now I was raised in a good Christian household, reared by a mother who always told me to refer to a person by his or her proper name (first or last); if I tried to call my best buddy Anthony by the name "A.J." or Mrs. Hoover, my second grade teacher, "Mrs. H," my mom would smack me from here to kingdom come. I know that the former SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE alum Rob Schneider didn't help Mr. Roy Scheider's cause any, but that doesn't excuse such mistakes. Here's my advice to all of you mispronouncers: Take a deep breath before speaking, conjure up an image of JAWS's Chief Brody, and remember that Scheider is like no other; therefore, his last name does not include an "N."